prokopetz:

theenbywitch:

prokopetz:

prokopetz:

Me sorting through my key ring: Front door, back door, garage, garden shed, storage locker, head office, server room, battered iron key I’ve possessed for twenty-five years but have absolutely no memory of receiving and no idea what it opens, bike lock, padlock, parents’ house…

I was not speaking metaphorically.

Why did you blur your keys

They’re very naughty boys.

alternativeblkgal:

jlegaspi178:

ke-ray92:

Before January ends, I’m going to magically and extremely be blessed by the universe.

not gonna risk scrolling past this

another time for extra blessings.

lostgirll666:

🥀.

yourplayersaidwhat:

The lord of the spider

Druid: and so, I call upon all my powers to summon all the spiders from the forest

Dm: is it a spell, an ability or what?

Druid: no, I just want to call spiders

Dm: ok, I’ll allow it, but they’ll come over time, roll a d10 for the first hoard

Druid: *rolls* 1

Dm: a little unvenomous spider climbs on your shoulder, it greets you

Druid: yay

flamingoslim:

neurotypical-karen:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

how do you respond to miscellaneous men who call you ‘sweetheart’?

When I worked at a bar when at the tender age of 15, I found asking men like that to stop just makes them slither away from blame and act like you’re the bad guy. But what I DID eventually figure out did the trick was making this face:

like a sort of pained grimace/smile. Hold it for at least three solid seconds while maintaining eye contact.

It’s gonna make them super uncomfortable. Like in the years since I’ve had guys sit there and stare glassily at their drink for a solid five minutes while their friends continued on around them. 100% success rate in keeping men in check so far.

Spent most of my adult life working in predominantly male environments. In my early years, it was long before it was common for women to join some of these fields so I was often the only one. So anytime I got the, “sweetheart,” “honey,” etc. “endearments,” I always responded in kind: Man: “Can you go next door and do [this task], honey?” Me, sweetly: “Sure thing, pumpkin pie.” Or some equally ridiculous endearment. This invariably resulted in the rest of the crew exploding in laughter and have the original “honey” comment maker being called “pumpkin pie” sometimes for days afterwards by everyone on the site (except me, who’d made my point). I only had to do this a few times before everyone understood how much ridicule they’d be subjected to if they tried such “compliments.” This worked equally well on construction sites and professional offices, with workers and supervisors (for whom I would often add their expected honorific: Mr. Pumpkin Pie.)

holegod:

SWQTRGJBMN

gaycism:

yeah gen z living in 3042

ao3commentoftheday:

i-preen-for-oikawa:

That’s the best shit and you can pry it out of my cold, dead hands

rogha:

it’s even better when it’s like..

Oh.

Oh.

polkanote:

Bonus points if that’s followed by

Oh no.

laralaralara:

cairistiona7:

The McDonald’s french fry is unbelievable. When you bite into it, you think: It’s so tasty, it can’t be real. As soon as it gets cold, it turns to lard and flubble. I mean, have you ever tried to eat a McDonald’s french fry that’s gone cold? That’s one of the circles of hell. The gulf between the warm, fresh, lightly salted McDonald’s french fry and the cold McDonald’s french fry is as great a gulf as any I know. - Viggo Mortensen, Esquire magazine (x)

#this quote gets progressively more interesting all the way until the quote source #it’s just a rollercoaster ride